Social Media
The good, The bad, and The addiction
As most of us know, social media can be a great way to stay in contact with our friends, loved ones, colleagues and community. We have the convenience of being able to communicate and share anything on an instant scale to the world. We use it to network, promote our businesses, make new friends, find old friends, help unite ourselves with each others, and share our talents etc. With that being said, there is another side to social media that many of us see and experience on a regular basis or have done so in the past. The addictiveness, the seeking of validation, comparing our lives to those we see as better and the internet trolls. So why can social media be damaging to our mental health and wellbeing?
The addiction and the dopamine:
You know that good feeling when you have accumulated loads of likes on that photo you uploaded? That's what I'm talking about. We get a rush of dopamine (the feel good chemical in our brain) when we get a like or comment on a photo or post we uploaded because we feel excited that our friends/followers have taken interest, and that feeling is positive one. But when we don't get the amount of likes or comments that we desire or feel we should have, it can give us a horrible negative feeling. We start to wonder things like “why has no one liked my new photo?” We are craving more. We compare ourselves to others and wonder how they do it.
There's also the addiction of social media, the ability to keep scrolling through endlessly. Endless videos, pages, people, photos, posts etc to look through can not only be overwhelming, but also be quite addictive. It's a time consuming addiction that like many other addictions is hard to break. There is always more to see, more videos of random people dancing in their living rooms, more posts about how the local council doesn't collect the bins often enough, more photo albums of that person who always seems to be on holiday in Ibiza, and more negative news stories from around the world about death and destruction. You only have to see the amount of time we spend on these sites to understand how “attractive” they are designed to be to keep us on them. But there are ways in which we can break away from it, here are a few:
Really limit the time spent on these sites (like 15 minutes per day)
Observe how you feel when you're on them, if you feel any sense of negativity, then come off straight away!
Really consider the amount of friends/followers you have, do most of these people bring any value to your life? Why do you follow them? Are you really friends?
If you find you’re addicted to going on the apps, then delete them from your phone.
Even go as far as permanently deleting your account if you find they are really affecting your wellbeing. Or have a few months break.
Avoid going on them if you're feeling upset, angry, or frustrated. You may do something you might regret.
A need for validation:
Many people will seek attention and validation by posting multiple pictures such as selfies on social media sites. There's nothing wrong with posting pictures on social media. Many of us do it!. But what are your intentions? Why do you do it?. If you're only posting because you want to get as many likes as possible, or you want people to tell you how great you look then you may just be seeking validation. Many people may disagree with this, but a lot of us have done it at some point. We tend to do this because it makes us feel better. We may not feel so great about ourselves or the way we currently look, so we post a selfie with the intention of seeking attention to feel better. We believe it’ll give us that boost that we need. A dopamine hit. And for some that works perfectly! But for many, they don't get the results they’d hoped for. This therefore damages self esteem. Our expectations can be so high that if the results don't meet them it can feel like a failure. “Am I not good enough?”
In another way, many people will seek validation by liking or commenting compliments on others photos in order to get something in return. Many guys (including myself) have at some point complimented a girl's instagram selfie just to hope to get something in return. “Maybe if I Like her photo and comment on it she'll talk to me” The thing is, some people are constantly validated. and many people will dish out compliments with only the intention to get something back. They believe that it’ll attract the other person, but that rarely happens.
Behaviour:
The way some people act online can be vastly different to how they would do in person, they take out their anger and disappointment from their own lives and make the lives of others online a living nightmare. These are the “trolls”. They are the ones who will bully and harass others online, they believe that they can get away with whatever they like (and sometimes they really do) because they are hiding behind a screen. Some will lash out or say cruel things unprovoked because it gives them a sense of power and release of their frustration. Many people have experienced this. From the odd messages, cruel comments on posts, threatening behaviour, thirsty and creepy comments, and their refusal to take a no. The internet is full of dark and dangerous people who have nothing better to do but bring misery to others, and they use social media sites for this. These trolls are unhappy with their own lives and themselves so they believe that by hurting other people they will gain something from it and ultimately feel better. The reality is that trolls don't care who they upset as it's almost like they do not realise it is a human on the other side.
If you've ever had to block someone online then you may know the feeling, some people are very needy and want to have control over us. They can’t take no for an answer and they become angry or offended when we are not interested in their pursuit. If you come across someone like this then the best way to deal with it is to avoid any confrontation with them. Block them, delete them, and refuse to let it hurt too. Don’t waste your time on people who want to take it from you to satisfy their own ego.
Comparison to others and how we perceive the world:
How do you really feel when you’re scrolling through Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat and looking at the lives of others? Do you ever feel jealous, as if you feel they are having a better life than yours? If so then you’re certainly not alone, this is very common amongst many social media users. We go onto our apps and scroll through the perfect selfies, beach holidays, weddings, celebrations, and happy couples. We believe and perceive that others are living a happier life than our own. Then we make a comparison. But the thing is, those couples don't post when they have had a fight. The person who looks so happy with all those selfies may really be suffering at home and unhappy in her job and battling a failing relationship that once thrived. The friend who uploaded that new picture of his attractive looking car on a day out to the beach didn't mention he’s suffering with money troubles and depression, he has that car on finance which he can barely now afford. You may be having a really bad day, you get home tired and fed up, so you post a filtered selfie on instagram just hoping you get enough likes to satisfy you to make you feel better. Many do it or have done at some point.
You see, sometimes the lives we post online are nothing compared to reality. It's like what you see on social media is what we perceive as others living amazing and fulfilling lives and we compare our lives to theirs, and it makes us want what they have. A person can put much time and effort into getting the perfect selfie with the right camera angle, filters, lighting, editing, and many other ways to alter the original image. When we see that picture uploaded we think “Why cant I look like that?” or “Why is their skin so clear and mine is not?”. We look at faults in ourselves and assess our own flaws, and that can damage our confidence and affect our overall wellbeing. We can of course look to others for inspiration to get to where we want to be, as long as we are not telling ourselves we aren't good enough or attractive enough. What you must remember is that the guy in that expensive looking suit and the girl with perfect hair and makeup in her summer dress doesn't always look like that. We all have something that we wish we could hide, a flaw that we could change, a feeling of incompleteness . And social media can do that with just a few edits and adjustments. But it's still there. They just can't see.
We see similar scenarios pan out in other areas of our lives. We see an amazing looking house online that we think would be great to live in. It looks like it has spacious rooms, it's clean and tidy, everything is perfectly organised, the photos are taken on a sunny clear day. Then we see the house in person, maybe it's not the same as it was in the stunning pictures. The rooms seem a lot smaller than they were in the photos, the house is messy and untidy and it hasn't been cleaned up properly for viewing standards, there’s a strange smell, there damage on the walls that we didn't notice in any pictures, and it’s a dreary rainy day when we are there. When we look at pictures such as of a house on the market, we absorb the image in our head based on how it is taken, we then have an expectation that it is exactly as it has been shown to us, so when when we view it and experience it in person we can become unfulfilled and disappointed. This can also be the case when buying products and services online. You see, behind the screen it may be something different to what we are being sold.
An escape from the present:
Tiktok goes the clock…It's easy to jump on to social media when we get bored or have a moment to ourselves. And this is okay, as long as it's not a constant time consuming thing. It's almost like an escape where we get to a point where we suddenly realise we've been online for ages! And a sense of guilt can be felt. However, if you feel that you could be doing something much better and more productive than just scrolling through facebook or twitter when you’re bored then it's time to make a change. Here are some alternatives:
Read an interesting book - either an e-book or paperback, or listen to an audio book.
Watch a video by your favourite youtuber or something fun and educating.
Talk to people - what we used to do before smartphones :)
Pick up a pen and paper and write or just draw. Do something cool like drawing your pet!
Talking of pets - if you have a dog take them for a walk.
If you're at home - do something productive around the house that needs completing.
Exercise! Come up with a workout where you currently are to fill the time gap.
Go to a museum or art exhibition.
Cook something! Find a new recipe online and try out your baking skills.
Create a bucket list and start ticking the boxes!
With all that being said, it's not all bad! Social media can of course benefit us in many ways. So what are the pros of social media?
It's a great place to expand your business (like this website) to put it out there and gain more customers/clients. So therefore a convenient place to advertise.
We can find old friends and family members we lost touch with.
It's a good way to make new friends and connect with our community.
It's a fast modern way to stay in contact and up to date.
You can buy and sell many things. Its an online marketplace.
The comedy side of it such as the funny posts, videos, memes and stories can make us feel good.
It's great to see the achievements of others such as a friend getting married or news of them having a baby. This can inspire us and give us a feel good vibe.
Some of the amazing photos that people upload such as photos of animals and nature, landmarks and artwork is inspiring.
It gives people the opportunity to show off their gifts and talents to the world.
To summarise, social media is a vital tool in our modern lives, but like anything it has to be used in a certain way to avoid it having an affect on our overall health. The key here is Moderation. Don't use it as a means to seek approval from others or a cover up, don't perceive others to be living a better life than yourself, and don't use it always as a time gap filler. What are your intentions? What is your reason for using it?
When we really cut down on our use or cut out use completely, we may have that FOMO (fear of missing out) feeling. This is one of the reasons so many people find it tough to not be on there constantly seeing what's going on and what our friends/followers are doing. Have a think - “What do I really need to know?” and “What am I really missing out on?” Many of us feel we must be constantly online to stay up to date. We don't want to be left in the dark. However, with the information overload on our Facebook news feed is it really necessary to know everything?